After working the online personals like a mad scientist for the last few years, I now have a good idea of what types of profiles women most respond to.

Your profile is like an advertisement. It can be anywhere from 2 to 7 paragraphs long, and be written in the first, second, or third person; or any combination thereof.

Example of First Person: I am interested in meeting a woman who has a fun character, isn't a total brat, and doesn't mind the occasional corruption...

Example of Second Person: You are an extroverted woman, full of feminine energy, who likes and appreciates men who go after what they want...

Example of Third Person: I just woke up. Last night was very passionate. It was the first time in a while I could really be myself with someone. And to think I felt bad about hooking up with him initially...I learned so much...

Whatever your style of communication it is important that you are able to lead a woman's imagination. You want her to catch a glimpse of what you are like. You are the product and the personal ad is the brochure.

Women, unlike men, are much more likely to read someone's profile. Men tend to mostly look at the picture, but women are usually very curious about how a man expresses himself.

I have found that there are certain things that you should definitely avoid when writing your profile. They are:

- never say you are looking for a relationship (it sounds needy, and too many men say this already). At most, say you are not actively seeking a relationship, but if it happens it happens

- never say you are looking for "the one" - too cliche and again it sounds needy

- never say you like to cuddle or do anything which women say they like to do. You're a guy so you like guy things. For example, you enjoy sports, like hockey, or football, or anything full contact which involves a strenuous workout (you can even add a *wink* to this last one, for effect)

- never say you are looking for someone to fill a void in your life - it makes you sound desperate. Believe me, women avoid desperate men like the plague

- don't ever say you are tired of the bar scene - it makes you look like you are using the internet as a last resort and are unsuccessful in general

- never communicate, or hint, that you are frustrated or angry towards women.

You want to communicate that you are a fun guy who is passionate and is perfectly comfortable with intimacy, but not in a crude way. Use innuendos, they work great. Mention that you like the winter season because it forces you to rely more on body heat (and sometimes it takes more than one body).

Showing that you have an edge is good, and adding humor to an overal "gruff" exterior is a great way to entice. Humor is what allows me to say something borderline and get away with it.

Sarcasm works good too. You can try writing something which sounds like total romantic drivel, about how you're looking for "the one", and someone to have 10-15 kids with, house on the prairies etc - all very tongue in cheek. Just make sure it's very clear that you are joking, and that you go on to write what you're actually like.

It is very good practice to say something which makes you look like you don't need approval and are willing to screen for women to find the one you like. For example, you can say that you like women that are easy going and don't have self-esteem issues, and can enjoy the moment and take risks without second guessing themselves.

Saying what you like and don't like, in terms of facts, is good, but you should also write something to get her imagination going (such as with NLP based language & suggestive flirting). It's good to say what you like and don't like but you should also give her a compelling reason to want to meet you (emotional rewards, good feelings etc). My personal favorite way of doing this is with innuendos, as shown before.

Finesse. It's not enough to just write out all these things. You also need a good writing style, and that only comes with practice (same as writing english essays). Many bad profiles have a terrible writing style, but are okay content wise. They read like a 10 year old wrote them. This happens often when people cut and paste parts of others' profiles and try to stitch it all together. It ends up looking like a Frankenstein monster.

In terms of having the best mindset to write a profile, I find that the best time to write is when you're feeling in an upbeat mood. Maybe you just had a great day or maybe you just feel empowered in general. Try not to write a profile after you got burned by someone, or something. It's very hard to get in the right mindset if all you're thinking is, "that stupid ^@%#$". It tends to pollute your writing, making you come across as angry and frustrated, which you want to avoid.

Say something about you, such as what music you like. I like to mention that I like swedish death metal. It's part of who I am and I know women are always intrigued by extreme hobbies anyway, so it's good to mention one.

For a picture of you, a natural outdoor pose works well. Don't smile too much or look angry/grumpy. Just look cool and relaxed, with a hint of a smile. Also, dont take a picture of you standing beside your car (unless it's a piece of junk and it's clear you are not showing off). It's good to have your picture taken while you are doing something else, like, say, you are at a party and someone got your attention and took the picture while you were with your buds. Avoid webcam shots. They look bad, period. Take my word for it.

A useful writing trick is to write a draft of the profile, and then wait a day or two before reading it again, and editing if need be. This is similar to what good writers do, as it helps the final product look as good as it can.

I've had a lot of practice at this. It took me a long time to figure out what to write that would attract women. A lot of experience at clubs and bars, and observing reactions of women there, helped me to understand what women would respond to online. I've met dozens of women from online, and wrote/experimented with at least one profile for every woman I met. Now I have about 6 template profiles I can draw on which I have been successful with in the past.

Copyright (c) 2005 Vittorio Norman

¶ 10:51 PM 0 comments

Immortality is so much better when you can stay around long enough to realize it ...

In that respect, the Ramones endured to at least have a hint it was being bestowed upon them.

Once again, you've got a chance to see why. If you were among the many who missed them in their heyday, you can now relish their legend --- in sound and sight --- with a cleverly-packaged collection entitled 'Weird Tales of the Ramones.' If you have any favorable inclinations toward rock music or pop culture, this is an essential item for your edification and enjoyment. Not only does the set contain 85 Ramones songs and 18 videos, it features an impressive array of works from top pop comic artists, such as 'Simpsons' creator Matt Groening and 'Mad' magazine's Sergio Aragones (there's even a 3D comic, glasses included).

The band probably had an inkling of their icon status in the late 1970s when Rolling Stone magazine named them as one of the seven most important groups in Rock-&-Roll history. However, even then, the relative squalor of their daily existence was threatening to put them in the ironic company of Mozart and van Gogh, two titans of their art whose earthly rewards fell far short of their legacies.

Actually, all the Ramones ever wanted was a hit. They were New York misfits who grew up humming to the Top-40 charts, so perhaps that yearning was understandable. It was yet another irony of their careers, as their ultimate impact on rock music was that of being iconoclasts. They ultimately didn't need the Top-40 to make their presence felt.

A recent movie scene hit this nail right on the head. When Jack Black's faux-teacher character in the wonderful 'School of Rock' diagrammed the influences of virtually every esteemed band of this era on a blackboard for his elementary-school students, the name at the center of that chalked universe was, rightfully, etched in all capital letters: RAMONES. Another indicator of their impact is the lineup of artists who covered their tunes on a 'tribute' album compiled by the late Johnny Ramone and Rob Zombie (if your musical tastes are merely mainstream, he contributed 'Dragula' to the 'Matrix' soundtrack). The album was produced to generate proceeds for lymphoma research, which claimed the life of Joey Ramone. Those who paid homage with their performances were a veritable Who's Who of today's rock industry:

- Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder (who was a close friend of Johnny Ramone),

- U2

- Metallica

- Marilyn Manson

- Tom Waits

- The Pretenders

- Red Hot Chili Peppers

- Offspring

- Garbage

Even glam-rockers Kiss made an appearance, perhaps as a subtle acknowledgement that their own style-over-substance circus act has been well and truly outlasted by the stripped-down sound of the Ramones. Kiss' contribution to the cause, though, may have been to first establish that a group didn't really need a Top-40 hit --- their only noodling of note that made the hit list was a ballad, 'Beth' --- to become financially independent. Merchandising was their meal ticket and years later, that was the route that finally served the Ramones so well. Their first roadie, Arturo Veja, designed a distinct logo and hawked it is fashioned along the lines of ton clothing and posters at their concerts. The logo imitates seal of the USA's Defense Department, which in a sense, embodied the essence of the group:

- They were proudly American,

- Their sound was aggressive, and

- Their compact compositions seemed to defend the roots of Rock-&-Roll.

To this day, items adorned with the Ramones logo can be found everywhere in the world. A further show of the band's ever-growing effect on current consciousness is seen in sports, as hockey arenas all over North America have turned the seminal 'Blitzkrieg Bop' ('Hey, ho, let's go!') into an anthem that raised the song's mainsteam familiarity to such an extent that it now provides the 'zeitgeist' attitude portrayed in Pepsi-Cola commercials and elsewhere.

In a way, the Ramones finally have their hit. With the third passing of the original four band members --- bassist DeeDee Ramone --- only drummer-cum-producer Tommy Ramone has survived to completely bask in the belated glory.

Besides the release of the boxed anthology, the other reason to wax poetic about the Ramones right now is the announcement that the Sex Pistols have finally been accepted into the Rock-&-Roll Hall of Fame. To many, they were the clarions of punk rock, but both the Pistols and The Clash owe their origins to the Ramones, who were inducted in 2002, when all but lead-singer Joey were still alive.

The Pistols and Clash were in attendance for the first Ramones concert to rock the UK. Both met the group, who encouraged them to forsake perfection and embrace energy and get their sounds recorded as they were. Even the term 'punk rock' was created in New York by underground diarist Legs McNeil to describe the Ramones (and Iggy Pop's Stooges) as well as the genre that was emerging from the dark shadows of disco, appealing to the disaffected and disenchanted who clung to the late-60s ideal that music still mattered.

One pleasant surprise on the boxed set is the inclusion of a song the Ramones only released in the UK, 'I Don't Want to Live This Life Anymore.' It's DeeDee's melodic projection of the last moments in the drug-engulfed murder-suicide of Sex Pistol bassist Sid Vicious and girlfriend Nancy Spungen. This concise, haunting opus, composed late in the group's career, served to further illuminate the torch being passed, from the influence the Beatles' early songs had on the Ramones --- the band took their name from an alias Paul McCartney commonly used when registering at hotels --- to their own influence on the British scene that grew from their presence.

The Pistols substituted anger for the Ramones' wit, but they still had the artistic 'edge' that all great rock acts possess. They, and so many groups after them --- including Nirvana and Green Day --- took their cue from the Ramones that the music was more than just a catchy tune. Much more. The Ramones returned the music to its adulators by making it accessible again. They hit the raw sensations that powered Rock-&-Roll in the first place.

And that may have been the Ramones' greatest 'hit' of all.

¶ 7:28 PM 0 comments

Florida real estate is definitely worth a look if sun and fun is your ticket. Florida real estate, even close to the beach, is a very good deal.

Florida

Florida is a well-known haven for people living through winter storms in the northeast. Sun and warm water are an obviously attraction, but there is much more to Florida. Orlando seems to be one giant theme park with Disney World, while Miami offers entertainment of a distinct adult variety with a legendary nightlife. Throw in the Florida Keys, tons of college and professional sports teams, the Kennedy Space Center and you have a state with a lot to do besides loaf on the beach. Then again, loafing on the beach should never be denigrated!

Miami

Miami is a city that really needs no introduction. With Cuban influences, the city is an explosion of styles, colors and fun loving people. Palm trees are plentiful as are beaches, bars, outdoor cafes and walking streets. When you need a break from the beach, Miami hosts professional sports teams in baseball, basketball, hockey and football. The real key to the area, however, is simply the festive atmosphere and people. Nearly half of the population is Hispanic with a heavy influence appearing throughout the city. Every day is a party in Miami.

Orlando

If Orlando isnt the capital of theme parks, I feel sorry for the place that is. Orlando is home to no less than Disney World, Universal Studios and Sea World. The theme parks are actually located on the edge of the city, which makes Orlando proper a bit bland. Humidity can be a bit of a bear during the summers, but the winter is incredibly nice.

Tampa

Tampa is an underrated city in my opinion. The chief criticisms seem to be it is overly modern and a bit boring. In fact, it is just the opposite. Tampa has a funky cultural feel, particularly in Ybor City where multiple cultures clash in free wheeling fun and you can get a Cuban cigar hand-rolled by a Cuban artist. Museums, art galleries and theme parks abound. The beaches of Clearwater are white, clean and a good place to roast in the sun.

Florida Real Estate

Florida real estate is very reasonably priced considering much of it is so close to an ocean or lake. The average home price in Orlando will run you just above $300,000, roughly the same amount as Tampa. In Miami, prices vary wildly depending on the part of the city you are looking in, but you can expect price ranges from $250,000 to $800,000.

If you want to get in on Florida real estate, now may be an ideal time. For 2005, property in Florida appreciated at a rate of nearly 25 percent!

¶ 2:52 PM 0 comments